I talked to my sister last Friday and again I realized it’s more conflicting and difficult than I wish. All of the family they always ask me how long I have plans to stay in Los Angeles. And I can’t really give an answer. Except that my visa will ultimately expire in 2007. Now I think I have a job in a really ambitious, good office with potential, probably the best I met to date. Definitely not comparable to the previous one in Culver City. So the conflict from three sides: sophisticated job, very limited time regarding legal working permit and a very intriguing city as the place to live. I feel like if you don’t have the excuse of the industry and maybe the weather, there is only this controversial, deeply disturbing, confusing environment that keeps you here. Who wants that, who is looking for it? I have a hard time to get clear about it. Very often I think I even have a hard time to focus. It’s so distracting. How can I live in this environment? I need to develop new strategies. It’s taking all my energy, I have the impression. I need time, too much time. These are dividing moments: should I challenge it or do I really feel where I come from? I realize the potential of the job I have and don’t think I can just leave that — I am in between, nothing, everything, sometimes, never, always. No, you can’t neglect a situation offering so many possibilities, or do I really fully comprehend it? Do I? Where am I…

I can’t believe this picture yesterday, I realized…a simple visit to a city, how can you take picture in a random neighborhood, and it’s exactly where you’re going to be for work five years later?