This last writing was not on time because the server was down. I don’t like the day to come when all the information on this server will be lost. I am curious if it can resist there for the next 50 years…

Other than that I am still busy with the apartment. Generally I feel constantly under pressure because my visa is only valid for another 9 months, a very limited time. I think it’s crazy the effort I take. And I don’t think it’s productive when I always feel that way. It seems I have no sense for any plans. On the one hand, I don’t want to miss the experience: Los Angeles is a very different city from everything I experienced so far. It opens new ideas, thinking, approaching to different aspects of your life, job etc. That way, it’s very inspirational. On the other hand I don’t like the city as such, there are to many circumstances I can’t except, especially since you hear it from everybody all the time. Maybe it’s also the time limit that drives at least partly this feeling. I have not enough time to find myself in an acceptable situation, exploring and establishing enough to be able to say I have arrived, I am at home. I am just starting (it’s part of the unknown that it took more than a year…), and I have to leave everything behind. And start somewhere else again. It gives me a hard time, the idea of moving around, the constant effort needed to get used to a new environment. At least I know what it means. Part of the experience. And also more and more I have a sense what I want, who I am . Also part of the experience. With every approach to something new and unknown you learn about yourself.